There is no watershed on the internet, read this at your own peril.
MW3 Predictions from community member Darkchild
My expectations for modern warfare 3 (PS3):
A 5 hour campaign of sprinting as fast as possible to the next invisible checkpoint to trigger the next wave of retarded enemies, which I will dispatch with surgical precision thanks to auto aim (fuck yeah for skillz).
Seriously, it will be so on rails, they might as well make the tutorial for MW4 “press X to win”.
It will be the same shitty graphics engine with some shiny new textures grafted on, the best characters will die in a “twist” and half of America will explode in Michael Bayesque fashion (if transformers turned up as my fire support halfway through the campaign I swear I wouldn’t even blink).
The multiplayer will be an explosion of neon lights on my H.U.D, dazzling updates, coloured arrows flying around, radio chatter and rock guitars squealing in the background as I’m awarded 10,000,000 points (I’m working from MW2′s example of awarding points x10 from the previous game here) for completing “Elite weapons ninja master pro challenge level 1”.
Fuck me, I only pressed triangle.
Honestly, it will dazzle you with so much shit it’ll be like being in Vegas, only less fun and with a slightly higher amount of deluded shitcunts.
The custom kill streaks will return, the game joyfully throwing out treats with a sadistic smile on its face and a glint in it’s eye like some priest at a sunday school, as it rewards you for doing WHAT YOUR FUCKING SUPPOSED TO.
1 kill gets you a controllable, invisible apache for 15 minutes. 3 kills takes control away from the player and you get to watch as a wall hacking aimbot plays for you for the rest of the session and 5 kills gets you an Ion cannon strike directly from Command and Conquer that kills everyone, except you.
But as that isn’t fair it will then repeat the session, giving the Ion cannon to each player individually so everyone gets a go at maximum pwnage.
And if you leave the server you profile gets wiped.
In fact, kill streaks are so popular I’ve heard a rumour from developers that Treyarch’s next title COD: Fatuselessshoutyfuckops is going one better.
Indeed, the first player on a map that successfully looks up and spams a frag grenade into the centre of the map gets rewarded with godmode.
Not godmode in the traditional sense, but rather god himself enters the game and vaporises every other player, their profile, their console and their physical bodies.
After all, its only fair that players get rewarded for doing EXACTLY WHAT THEY’RE FUCKING SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway, I digress. At this stage I’d like to point out that I really enjoyed COD4, before I learnt it was constructed of lies.
So, in summary:
Fuck you Modern Warfare 3, fuck you in the face with bullets.
Battlefield 3 is going to put his willy in your forbidden place and fill you with his tigerblood.
Die.
I laughed so hard because it is borderline truth. MW3 is hype and fanboys. BF3 is legit even though it has very slow paced action.
heh, as much as i REALLY want to fan the flames of hate for my own amusement, I must confess I omitted the last line of this article, which I told Dukes about when we were out clubbing.
It reads
“I’ll probably still buy it anyway.”
well, here are some predictions of the past
“black ops will have juggernaut pro”
NOPE
“MW2 confirmed weapons 416″
NOPE
“mw3 will have last stand and commando”
NOPE
Here are some accurate predictions on bf3.
moh hud, moh weapon customization and sounds.
bf2 and bc2 guns
64 players and jets and the same vehicles as bf2 but only less.
A crappy ass singleplayer and the same generic stale mp that refuses to change from the bf formula.
Finally, less destruction than bc2 because those huge buildings in New york and paris wont be able to be destroyed completly as this would make the map dissaper.
There’s nothing to defend here chaps, its just a bit of fun. Calm down
lolikins!
No, I think you’ll find all the raving 12 year olds are busy playing COD. I however, am a 27 year old successful soldier (soon to be pmc) with a lovely wife and stimulating social life.
And the best part is that the people that run this site are my friends, and therefore know i’m not lying.
So suck my cock, fanboy.
Wow, this is so immature…
Is this article supposed to be funny, or what?
Anyways, it’s neither that, nor informative/intelligent/entertaining nor anything at all, really.
Please get rid of this author.
Oh boys… remember to take your pinch of salt when reading…. Keep it up Darkchild… apparently you’re 12!
totally disagree. Your a raving 12 year old who needs to get outside a bit more.
LMAO. i agree 100%